You Asked How (Formerly Even Now She Is Turning, Saying Everything I Always Wanted Her to Say)

Literature

24.06.2010

You Asked How (Formerly Even Now She Is Turning, Saying Everything I Always Wanted Her to Say)

At the end there were straws
in her glove compartment, I’d split them open
to taste the familiar bitter residue, near the end
I ate all her Percodans, hungry to know
how far they could take me.
A bottle of red wine each night moved her along
as she wrote, I feel too much, again and again.

You asked how and I said, Suicide, and you asked
how and I said, An overdose, and then
she shot herself, and your eyes filled
with wonder, so I added, In the chest, so you
wouldn’t think
her face was gone, and it mattered, somehow,
that you knew this…

Every year I’m eight years old and the world
is no longer safe. Our phone becomes unlisted, our mail
is kept in a box at the post office,
and my mother tells me always
leave a light on so it seems
someone is home. She finds a cop
for her next boyfriend, his hair
greasy, pushed back with his fingers. He lets me play
with his service revolver while they kiss
on the couch. Cars slowly fill the windows, and I aim,
making the noise with my mouth, in case it’s them,
and when his back is hunched over her I aim
between his shoulder blades, silently,
in case it’s him.

Nick Flynn (2000)

Sexier in Print: GLORIA and hard press
Read Time: 6 mins
Two new publishers remind us of art's love of the...
Art
Sexier in Print: GLORIA and hard press
By Lana Lopesi
Hidden Romantic: A conversation with Dominic Hoey about Iceland
Read Time: 18 mins
Jackson Nieuwland talks to Dominic Hoey about his...
Literature
Hidden Romantic: A conversation with Dominic Hoey about Iceland
By Jackson Nieuwland
Interim
Read Time: 7 mins
Distracting you from our nation's political discomfort...
Literature
Interim
By Laura Borrowdale
New Aotearoa Fiction: Mimicry 3
Read Time: 7 mins
Issue three of Mimicry is out! Guest-edited by Carolyn...
Literature
New Aotearoa Fiction: Mimicry 3
By Eamonn Marra
Six Books to help you feel less alone on World Mental Health Day
Read Time: 9 mins
Six Books to help you feel less alone on World Mental...
Literature
Six Books to help you feel less alone on World Mental Health Day
By Sarah Jane Barnett
Letters From A Sane Man
Read Time: 11 mins
"She isn't a friend because she's a writer. She's...
Literature
Letters From A Sane Man
By Harrison Christian
From the Writer's Yurt: Sarah Laing goes to the Edinburgh Book Festival
Read Time: 18 mins
Sarah Laing, author of Mansfield and Me, was one of...
Literature
From the Writer's Yurt: Sarah Laing goes to the Edinburgh Book Festival
By Sarah Laing
The Tango Lesson
Read Time: 35 mins
Sarah Webster learns to let go in seventeen lessons...
Literature
The Tango Lesson
By Sarah Webster
Beta!